dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
