hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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