Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize