my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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