Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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