We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
