weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
