i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
