Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
