jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
