I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
