You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
