I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
