yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh god the rape fog is back!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
