you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
