HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
zippers are such a cool invention
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
