Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
