the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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