i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
