we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
