Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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