I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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