nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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