just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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