Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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