at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
