A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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