nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
