direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
