walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
