Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
