I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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