im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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