Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
