I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
