The maid of honor just puked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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