I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
