you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
