How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
