wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
