I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
