Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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