the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
