Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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