about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
