I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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