This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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