I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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