Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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