If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
