drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want nice things and good sex
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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