I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
