And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
