and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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