remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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