she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
