Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just forgot I was standing up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
