there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
