How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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