How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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