used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
