i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
