She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
