Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
