Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
