i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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