All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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