Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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