i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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