I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
